Failure Is Sometimes an Option!

Exam block 3 has come to an end. I left the exam block with my brain mostly unscathed. In all my years of education I have never had a series of exams that I felt the load of material was impossible to memorize or understand.  In the past, I had failed exams because of laziness or lack of dedicated study skills. Exam block 3 forced my brain to a level I never thought obtainable and in fact was not fully obtainable.  I ended up passing 7/9 exams. On the positive side, if that was a MLB batting average I would be batting .778, which is Hall of Fame material! I had to prioritize my time in order to fail the least amount of classes.  On average I feel most  of my peers failed at least 2-3 exams. I minimized the damage to my GPA by failing the exams in the classes where exams are weighted less.
Clinical Skills and Community Doctoring have participation points, reports, quizzes, and practical exams that buffer my grade for the occasional failed exam.
For another positive note I definitely improved my physiology grade.  Physiology is one of my favorite classes, but the exams are extremely stressful. The exams have around 50 minutes to answer 40 questions.  Sounds doable and it is, but physiology exams get my pits sweating every time I click the BEGIN button on that exam.  The reason physiology is so stressful is due to the fact that we have an amazing professor who loves to challenge us.  The questions she asks are pretty straight forward, but are multilevel questions.  So knowing a complete concept and not just parts of a concept is very important.  Our topics for this exam were about blood, circulatory shock, and heart disease.
Most of my other grades remained about the same, and I continue to get mostly B's and a few A-'s in medical school, which is well above my expectations of what I thought I would be able to accomplish.
Life is pretty good now that exam block 3 is over and Thanksgiving break is the light at the end of the tunnel.  After Thanksgiving break comes exam block 4 and then finals.  Medical school is definitely feeling doable, still stressful, but doable!
Immediately after the test block, Hailey and I headed to a small retreat with some ward friends, and also distant relatives.  We went to one of the LDS camps called Camp Zarahemla by Clear Lake, WA.  We roomed in a large lodge with 4 other families and had a blast playing games, eating good food, and relaxing on couches by a large wood furnace.  Olive was not the happiest camper that night.  We probably only got 4-5 hours of sleep on and off as she was waking up and thinking it was play time. She is going through a phase where she can't sleep if someone is in the room with her and she is waking up every 4 hours at night.  We're working on that. Here are some fun pictures of our adventure.

Should Doctors be the Dealers of Death?

The past couple of weeks has been flooded by media about assisted suicide and ebola!  I will put my ebola lecture aside for this upcoming week as we are having a specific lecture covering it extensively to help educate our families and the public about it.  As for assisted suicide I felt I would lend some personal insight as to how I feel about it.
This summer my wife Hailey and I had the opportunity to serve one of the greatest families I have ever known, the family of Clyde and Carol Morgan.  Clyde and Carol were the next door neighbors to my wife growing up.  Hailey was particularly close to Clyde and Carol.  Carol became Hailey's best friend through the years and they went to movies, parties, and other events together on a regular basis.
Clyde passed away early in 2014 from complications to his lifelong battle with lupus.  His death was extremely painful for all who were deeply influence by his adventurous life, quick wit, and loving personality.
Shortly after his death Carol Morgan began to show signs of increased confusion and forgetfulness.  The onset of these symptoms was immediately attributed to the death of her husband as the symptoms became observable right after his death and funeral.  As the weeks went by we became more concerned as Carol continued to become more confused and forgetful.   One day Carol's daughter went to her home to check on her and noticed her neck was swollen. Carol was taken to her family doctor and later to the hospital due to suspicious swelling in the neck.  After a complete evaluation and through a cranial CT the doctors found cancer in Carol's brain.  Further biopsies revealed it was Glioblastoma Multiforme.
Glioblastoma Multiforme is the most common type of brain cancer.  It is caused by the over replication of astrocyte cells in the brain.  Astrocytes are a type of glial cells in brain. Glial cells are brain supporting cells. Astrocytes help to provide nutrients and structure to the neurons in the brain.  In Glioblastoma Multiforme the astrocytes multiply uncontrolled and smother the normal brain tissue killing the neurons of the brain causing a wide variety of symptoms depending on the location of the tumor.
Hailey and I were living next door to Carol when she was diagnosed with and began fighting her cancer. She started radiation and chemotherapy at a skilled nursing center.  After a month her insurance no longer covered the skilled nursing facility. With our CNA background, Hailey and I offered to step in and provide temporary 24 hour care for Carol in order to help her and her family get the best care possible until one of her children could move in with her. I don't think Hailey and I realized how difficult the struggle would be for Carol and ourselves.
Carol was such a sweetheart and the strongest individual I have ever met.  When we stepped in she was starting her first round of oral chemotherapy. The drugs made her so sick.  She would be so sick she couldn't sleep. She would beg us for over 30 minutes each night for us not to give it to her, but we  encourage her to continue the fight for her children. In the end she knew she wanted to fight for them.
Carol through all her pain, confusion, nausea, fatigue, and numerous other side-effects was always able to put on a smile each day and thank us for helping her.  Her struggle was very hard for me to watch.  I had never seen someone so close to me hurt so much and be so close to death.
The cancer was so aggressive in Carol's case, that even the oncologists stated it was one of the most aggressive cancers they had ever seen in their careers.  The combination of radiation and chemo was estimated to give her a year to live and unfortunately only gave her six weeks. After Hailey and I moved in, Carol lived for a little over three weeks. I can't even begin to explain the depth of grief I felt, let alone the grief of Hailey and Carol's family. I am so grateful that Carol fought and proved her love for life, her children, and God.
The very idea of taking a pill to end her own life was not even a consideration in Carol's mind. I am sure she knew this would be the very fight of her life, but she willing to FIGHT!  She wanted to live and enjoy her last moments.  I am sure she didn't want to spend her last moments sick in bed and fighting not only the cancer, but also the side-effects of chemo and radiation; however, she did! In so doing she demonstrated that life in the lowest of lows is worth living.  Life is a divine gift that God has given man to be stewards of.
We are stewards of our own lives primarily and then in the lives of those we love.  As a future physician my oath states "But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God."
To me, giving a pill to end a life is playing at God; therefore, against any doctor's oath to give such a pill. I feel the physicians who participate in assisted suicide are neither logical nor God-fearing men/women.  For if suicide was supposed to be a choice, why then do we not have biological mechanism for self termination? We do not.  The only options for suicide are self inflicted through external tools and instruments.
Suicide in numerous cases is due to many complications of the mind and soul, for those cases I leave judgement up to God; nevertheless, for an individual who is hoping to escape a struggle in life, I say it is cowardice.  Life is worth living in all of its highs and lows.
Having seen Carol Morgan and her divine struggle, I realize now that the fight is worth it.  If not worth it to them that struggle than worth it to those who saw the struggle.  Carol's fight demonstrated to me that God has a plan for all His children. Life is not easy! But it has purpose. Through Carol's fight with cancer I realized that I must appreciate the moments God has given me.  In the end the only things that matter are the relationships we leave behind and those we create for the eternities.
At the end of all this ranting thank goodness the judgements of all people is left up to God.  I cannot justify the actions of another person, nor understand why a person chooses things contrary to my beliefs.  I respect the choices of others when it comes to assisted suicide, but I do not condone them in the least. Sorry this post was a little long, but I felt it was a great topic for self-reflection for me and my past experiences relating to current events. Here are some pictures of Carol and her family and our experience with her. Notice she is always smiling! Love life people! Love you forever Morgan family!

                                                         Carol and Clyde at our wedding!

                     Carol in the hospital after tests and getting ready to start chemo and radiation!

                                                  Carol and her kids. Her pride and joy!

Is God in Medicine?

I sure hope God is in medicine.  In only two short years, I will be out the classroom and begin rotating between different specialties in the medical profession. Then in four years, I will be in my residency tending to patients who need physical, mental, and often spiritual help.  I can't imagine the pressure that I will face when it's my turn to save the life of another human being, one of my spiritual brothers or sisters.

I know that God is in the medicine.  For I would not be in medical school had it not been for countless divine miracles and the loving sacrifices of many, especially my wife and family.  I hear about so many who struggle to get into medical school, often applying two to four times before they get in. Through the last little savings we had, and through family loans, Hailey and I scratched by just enough to take the MCAT and apply to just four medical schools.  With the stress of a baby on the way and being the poorest we have ever been on our own, Hailey and I put all our chips in.  With some amazing letters of recommendations from professors, researchers, and a friend, I was lucky enough to get an interview and acceptance to the top school of my choice.  Some people may say I deserved it or that I worked hard to get in, but honestly getting into medical school is more than handwork, dedication, and accomplishments. I feel these things are only about 50% of the struggle.  The rest involves luck, interview skills, timing, and divine help.  Why did the interviewers feel I said something special? Why did they choose me over another kid who had better grades, scores, and accomplishments?  I feel my greatest strength comes from the truth I know about God.  That is that He is real. He loves me. He knows my struggles. He loves everyone equally. 

God knew I needed to get into school, he knew I was under a lot of pressure. I prayed for help in my interview as I struggled dealing with the anxiety and pressure of being successful for my little family.  I was interviewed only 7 days after Olive was born.  I was sleep deprived, stressed, and scared that all our hard work would have been in vain.  But as I was on my knees praying the night and morning before my interview I remember feeling peace, love, and strength from God.  I began seeing all the things He had done for me in my life.  From the opportunities I had through my education and research I was able to gain the experiences needed to become a successful physician. Through my work I gained countless hours of medical experience and met my wife Hailey. Through my study abroad for international business I found a medical research opportunity. God places people and experiences in our lives so that we can be our best selves and accomplish our goals if we are true to ourselves and what we believe.

In the field of medicine I don't believe a doctor has gone through his career not seeing a miracle.  Life contains so many questions. Science and medicine can answer so many of those questions.  But for the questions science can't explain, believing in God and Jesus Christ provides answers for me. I am a Mormon and proud to say that God is in my life and I always want him to be.

For an awesome story about surgery and prayer by one of the greatest heart surgeons of all time here are a few links:
Russel M. Nelson Bio
http://www.healthcare-administration-degree.net/20-most-innovative-surgeons-alive-today/
Story of Prayer and Heart Surgery: Begins at the paragraph heading "Personal Experience with Prayer"
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/sweet-power-of-prayer?lang=eng

Getting Ahead To Stay Ahead: Test Block #2

I completed my second round of exams better than the first.  This is great for me because as the semester comes to an end I will feel less pressure to have to ace all my finals as my grades will be high enough to buffer my grade. This test block I switched up my studying strategies for a few classes which helped give me more time to study.  For Anatomy and Physiology, I ended up skipping the majority of the lectures.  This sounds like a bad thing not going to class, but Anatomy and Physiology are pretty straight forward subjects. Learn what the structure is, why it's that way, what it does, and what can go wrong with it. The lectures have long handouts and power points that I can download and read on my own. So instead of class I would go to my study cubicle and review the material in half the time and begin memorizing the material. I did a similar strategy for Cell Biology. I feel medical school is tough, but definitely doable if it's my full time job and extra job on the side.  Lecture time is about 32-40 hours a week, which is a lot compared to many other medical schools. Many MD schools put students on self study programs or only have lectures schedule in the morning and not the afternoon. DO schools have added curriculum through Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine techniques and philosophy. So even after spending 32 hours a week in the classroom, I put in 4-5 hours a day studying on my own in order to stay ahead.

Anatomy and Osteopathic Medicine this test block focused on the anatomy and functions of the upper limb. Lectures covered the shoulder, elbow, and wrist extensively. I learned about all the nerves, arteries, veins, muscles, fascia, tendons, and bones of the arm. I also learned about how to diagnose the more common disfunctions of these joints. The hardest exam for sure was Anatomy lecture, same as last test block. Anatomy lecture tests have so much material. 

Other subjects covered topics such as regulation of the blood and circulatory system, DNA replication, and protein synthesis. Histology was also a huge subject this test block as we added an image exam to this test block.  The image exam was easier than I thought it was going to be and that is only because I studied my butt off for it. We were shown images from muscle, nerves, bone, lymph nodes, spleen, connective tissue, bone marrow, blood, and many more. We had to identify the type of cells located in these tissues. In the end I took 9 exams and I have one more exam this upcoming Wednesday.  This exam is for Osteopathic Medicine and covers muscle and fascial treatments that we have learned so far this semester. 

Let's hope I can get back in the mood to study some more. Usually after an exam block I take a few days to recoup and give my brain a break. But we will see how it goes.  

Let's Get Real!

         After a hard day of class, studying, and labs I remembered an experience I had this past June that shed some light on how little people understand about the difficulties of becoming a doctor. In June after I told my fellow CNA employees that I was quitting and was going to medical school one of them said in a rude tone, "Congrats, just don't forget where you came from!" At the moment I was caught off-gaurd by the comment and told her of course I wouldn't. After all I was a CNA, the janitor of the health care field, for over five years.  Then I put myself to thinking and I said to myself, "HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT!" Here comes my ranting, but she has no idea the stress, money, worry, anxiety, time, and dedication it takes to even to get into medical school.  Now, after my first exams and another grueling test block just around the corner I repeat, "HOW DARE ANYONE," think that a good doctor, who works his whole life to be successful, would ever forget where they came from and why they are in the medical field. If anyone or anything causes us to forget where we came from it would be from the ignorant patients and people who lack gratitude and empathy for the men and women in the medical field.
          I think my wife Hailey would back me up on this one, but it has been a long journey and we still have 7 more years. Does anyone know how many hours I usually spend with Hailey and my baby Olive a day? Probably about 2 maybe 3 hours.  So while the majority of all other college graduates have a blossoming career, a 9-5 job, and time with their families, I am still a full-time student x 2.
          I have been on the side of where I believe doctors get payed too much. In college I had a bad stomach issue and with crappy insurance I was billed $800 for a basic 20 minute visit to have the doctor tell me they would run some tests and refer me to a GI doctor. So yeah I can see why people feel doctors are in it for the money and get payed too much.
         Now that I am in the ditches and trenches of medical school I realize why doctors can be jerks sometimes, and why they want to have a nice car and big house. Because we earn it.  By the end of my medical school journey I will hopefully walk away with just under $300,000 in debt. That could buy me a nice house in Idaho or Utah. Most doctors take close to 15-20 years to finally pay off their medical school debt.  I am going to charge you and your insurance every dime I can because I need the money.   I come out of medical school and residency with so much debt that it would be equivalent many people paying a mortgage without even owning a home.  So when the Bennion's do settle down, I will be paying all the normal payments a normal person makes when they start there married post education life plus my medical school debt. My payment estimates will be around $3,000-$4000 a month! So maybe I will be earning around $15,000 a month but 1/3 of it goes toward loans. And what happens if I want to build my own practice? Oh yeah I will have to be paying for the cost of my building, the office employees, the nurses, the MA's, malpractice, and all the other associated costs. So people please open your minds as to what doctors have to pay for and why they may charge you and your insurance a couple hundred dollars for a routine visit.
        So to those who hope I never forget where I came from to you say, "Don't you forget what I am going through and the pressure of trying/learning to save lives, heal bodies, and not get sued in the process." I love medicine and for that I am striving to be a doctor.  Medicine is not the most lucrative profession, especially when looking at the amount of time and training involved in become a doctor. There are many types of doctors in the world, good and bad.  But for those who don't like a doctor or think he/she has horrible bedside manner, take a moment and reflect upon the life and training of that doctor. Gain some empathy for every physician in the medical field, even if you feel some of them are jerks.
       After stepping off my soapbox I now want to make you happy. So here are some pictures of my family at my little sister Katee's wedding. I love my family. They support me in so much! Love you all! Don't forget who you are too! HAHA

Test Block #2 Speedily Approaches

The test anxiety continues to build as the next round of tests start next Monday.  This round of exams will be a little different as we are introduced to a practical exam and a histology lab exam.  These practical exams are more intense and more hands on. The histology exam is a microscopic slide exam. The professor will show us a zoomed out picture of a particular tissue sample, then he will zoom in to higher magnification, and then even higher magnification, and then will point to a cell or structure and we will have to guess what he is pointing out.  So far we have covered well over 30 types of tissues and the different types of cells and structure in these tissue are astronomical. When I think about all the possible things he could test on, it gives me anxiety.  Luckily I have dedicated a lot of time to this class and so hopefully I will do well.  Active recall and fill in the blank tests are much more difficult than multiple choice.
I will also be having a Osteopathic Principles and Practice practical exam where I will have to demonstrate manipulation techniques to certain body parts.  Much of what we have learned so far is about manipulation of tissues, particularly the fascia.  For those who don't know, fascia is a type of connective tissue that is located in-between muscles and layers of your body.  A poor analogy of this would be if you put a piece of silk fabric between your two hands and slid your hands back and forth along the silk fabric. Your hands would be your muscles and the silk sheet would be the fascia.  Fascia is anatomically important as it helps to divide body compartments, provide circulation, support, and reduce friction to your muscles and cavities. Many studies believe that when you have a "knot" in your back, the knot is not a muscle knot, but more of a fascial knot.  So our practical exam focuses much not he muscles of the neck and back. Most of the techniques I have learned look like modified stretches and massage to joints and muscles. Later on in the year we will be learning techniques similar to chiropractors where we use quick movements to align "pop" and fix muscle/bone issues. If you want to learn more about what makes a DO different from and MD then google Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine to give you a sense of what I will be learning and what make me similar/different from MD's and Chiropractors.
The other exams are similar to last test block where the instructors force information down our throats with the hopes that we retain at least 75% of the information.  From last test block the stakes have been upped as the material has become more difficult and the information is compounding on previously learned concepts.  I feel confident in my strategies and studying plans from last test block and feel they will work in all my classes except Anatomy.  I passed my Anatomy exam but just above the lower end of the average. I hope to put in more time with hopes to make up for my lower score from last exam. The exam will be on the upper limb.  This includes lots and lot of nerves, arteries, muscles and tendons that control movement in the shoulder, elbow, wrist, and hand.
Anyways this is a quick update for my blog.  I will update some more when I need to take another break from my endless studying.  I feel studying serves as a good anti-anxiety drug.  The upcoming test cause anxiety and the only way to feel better is to study, study, study! My next post I will post pictures about Katee's wedding and some recent events.

Exam Block One is Done and Done

So four weeks of hard work boiled down to ten exams in two days. The experience was a mixture between an anxious nightmare and pat on the back.  The exam block, as it is called, felt like all my science finals over four years wrapped into two days. The reason things were so nerve racking was because failure in medical school is not much of an option unless you don't want to become a doctor and want to drown in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. If we fail an exam, which is getting below a 75%, then we have to receive help to make sure that does not happen again in that same class. Failure in any course at the end of the year results in failing out of school.
The exams were also a pat on the back because my hard work did pay off.  My exams included Anatomy Lecture, Anatomy Lab, Physiology, Microbiology, Clinical Skills, Osteopathic Principles, Microbiology, Cell Science, Epidemiology, and Histology. In all exams I received or felt confident I got B or better in; however, the Anatomy Lecture exam is the one I am worried about. I don't know my grade currently. The lecture material covered imaging techniques, muscle and bone attachments, muscle movement, nervous system pathways, and embryology.  The part of the exam that hurt me the most by far was embryology, and specifically the signals which make it all possible. It was rough and I hope I passed.
I learned that Anatomy Lecture exams are much harder than I expected and require ample time to prepare. The amount of material to cover is tough.  If I could take it all back, I would have subtracted some time from my Cell Science and Microbiology classes to focus more on Anatomy.  But all in all I feel if I passed 9 out the 10 exams for every test block, as long as they are different each time, I consider myself a decent medical student. Sounds bad saying a future doctor is okay with failing tests, but if you were to put yourself in my shoes I am sure you would feel the same.
In celebration of my test block success I will now eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch and watch Netflix.  Hailey and Olive flew out of the week and I won't see them until next Thursday. Which makes my celebration quite lonely. Haha. My girls flew out to see Grandma and Grandpa Harlan and then we will all reunite at Katee's wedding next Thursday. Thanks for reading my posts. I hope my family enjoys reading about my journey.  Thank for all the love, support, and prayers.

Miss my girls! Have fun in Utah and see you in Idaho!!!